I’m Talking to My Younger Me
I had long planned to write for my inner child. It’s just that I’m not ready to remember all the nightmares I had. Just for info, The first tears have fallen as I write this. I forced myself to do this to let her know that I was still breathing to heal all the wounds of the past. Oh my goodness, these tears wiped out the night cream I used. It’s okay, it’s for herself, the cute and innocent little guy. I love the most.
Okay, I just cried, letting out all the feelings of emotion while listening to “older” by Sasha Alex Sloan. By the way, I had to cry softly because my cousin was sleeping right next to me. Huft, let me recharge myself to write.
Hey, little girl. You used to hope to mature quickly when you saw mature girls who looked good, wore make-up, wore favorite perfumes, and were free to travel anywhere. You’re already in that position, you can already look good, wear clothes you like, your favorite fragrance is rosemary, even you are obsessed with having fair white skin because you don’t want people to mock you dark-skinned little girls and wear clothes that don’t match. If you ask :
“Do aunts and Cousins still often insult and demean us? ". Life is like spinning wheels, I’m sure they regret what they do. Even now they think we’re the heroes they always need. I will not do revenge for what they’ve done. I’ll keep moving to be in front of them and make them think about their mistakes.
“How is our family doing, are there still limitations for us to develop?” Thank goodness, things are getting better. I still remember that you had to fall behind with friends in class and had to be scolded by the teacher because your project was different from others. It’s because dad forbids buying things on the grounds of “saving money”. Even though it is for education. But, we’re progressing so far now. Even I’m in the final semester finishing one of your wishes first, a study at university. Do you still remember that you were always amazed by the teacher’s story in class about the educational process? we are in that position now, studying while earning money, and achieving a bachelor's degree or maybe more. You know, even I’ve been a teacher even though it’s only in an institution. But, I believe you are very proud of this achievement. Hope I will continue my education, so you and our family so proud of us
I’m so weak at writing this. My tears kept falling. I’m sure my eyes will be swollen when I wake up in the morning. Huft, this helps me appreciate everything I’ve done. Let’s finish it, my little me is already waiting for another story
“How is the relationship with our brother? have we been able to talk well to each other without screaming?”. He has grown up, in fact, He just got his first job. Unfortunately, his education was not completed. He already has his way of life. Dad had made room for him with a private door leading to the yard so that He was free to go home in the dawn. We have been able to communicate well even if only through text. even He asked for various suggestions for his life. He was handsome, tall, upright body, and little fat. Wishing him always in god’s protection every step of the way. Mom and dad still often spoil him, just like a baby boy.
“Do we still have a happy family?” Our family is a small family living on a mountain. No one cares about the situation up there. Small arguments are always in their room. We’re just a happy family in front of a crowd. Fortunately, we have two parents who are still together despite being forced. If you ask about the mom’s situation, I will answer that she is already like a leader in the house. Make a living, take care of the house, take care of the children, pay all the bills, and all other demands.
“Do we have a new family member” Yes, we do! There is a little girl who replaces you. Mom and dad decided to make her the last child. She was not a sibling and our mom never conceived her. That little girl was present in our family since her 4 years old, and now She’s 10. Mom gave her all her wishes, educated her, and all her needs. She’s an orphan who needs to be pitied. Mom loves her very much, hoping that She will become a great figure when She grows up. Look, she is getting more and more beautiful. When She first came to our house she was a shy girl who was very afraid to be touched.
Is that question enough, O my little me? I’ve been relieved to tell you this little story. Your childhood may be very far from a great experience. But slowly I will make you proud and smile at the sight of your mature self. I’m sorry if I always cry if I remember you or cry every time I’m not strong enough to go through the days. At other times I’ll invite you to be nostalgic about the past and answer it with what is, will, and has happened to you and who you are today. Let me sleep quietly. These few nights have been very meaningless, my sleep is very lacking, and the tiredness is getting more and more.
~Good night, inner child~
