It’s been almost 2 years since we met. Since the first time, I have been trying to talk to people from different countries. At that time I just started seriously learning English 2 years ago. I downloaded a lot of apps that can encourage me to have the confidence to speak in English. Even now, I still feel that there is no significant progress and I still have much to learn.
Come on, get into the title. A month after I made a few friends develop language skills, I met him. A Pakistani man, with a handsome face, light brown skin, and a very high nose. We started the conversation by getting to know each other. After getting acquainted for a few days, we agreed to talk on another application (WhatsApp). At that time I was very excited to meet and talk to anyone over the internet. I don’t know to be careful of anyone I meet. But, at the time I thought that He was a good man. Time passed and we called each other often. The time difference between Indonesia and Pakistan is 3 hours. I often sleep late until 3/4 am and He’s in the middle of the night.
At the beginning of the introduction, He introduced me to his mother and sister. Even, they offer to buy and deliver typical Pakistani clothing. Of course, I refused. Not long after, I mustered up the courage to introduce my family to him. I didn’t even hesitate to make a video call in front of the family, and neither did he. One night, He was seen sitting in the dining room. We tell stories as always about everyday life or hope for the future. At that time, He dared to say “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” in a small voice, either He was embarrassed or doubtful. I was a little surprised, strange, and confused. Because it was my first experience of someone falling in love with me through an app, different countries and it was my first virtual relationship. Strangely without hesitation, I said “Yes! of course” and He with a look of surprise said “Really? are you serious?!”. That’s how I started my virtual relationship for the first time.
After a year in the relationship, we broke up several times and fought over small things. Many things I fear are like lovers in the real world. In every argument, I am the one who always disappears and then comes back with an apology. Although I cried at him several times, I realized it was the stupidest thing. Then, all my fears of him happened, the problem became real and He became disgusted with me and said “Goodbye, forever!” I agreed to his wishes, I said yes, and blocked him.
A few months later, I was back in a relationship with another man. In those few months, I no longer remembered him or was as upset as before. I feel happy with my new lover. But, several times He tried to contact me to go back to talk to him even if only briefly. Of course, I refused, because I appreciated my boyfriend. He tried many times to come back and even asked his friends for help so I could get back into a relationship with him. Many times also rejected him.
My last relationship lasted only 6 months. Of course, I am back in a long phase of sadness because of being left behind by a lover and having to feel again failed in love. A few months later I tried to unblock him and saw his reaction. How happy He was to be able to re-communicate with me. But I ignored all of his messages or just read the messages from him. Because I’m still a little traumatized and still feel very hurt about what He did. I just thought that maybe I and him could go back to being friends, but unfortunately, he wasn’t.
It’s been 7 months since we got back into communication, He showed me that he is no longer the same as he used to be. He always tried to offer or send me gifts to be able to forgive his past mistakes. He also realized what he was doing and apologized many times. I know what kind of man I’m talking to. I don’t believe it casually. His deeds used to be characters and traits that are very difficult to lose in a person just like that.
From the beginning, I just wanted to talk as a friend. In reality, it’s hard, I know it. Until finally I felt that I was in the wrong situation. Either whether he changed or not. I tried to trust it a little bit, even though in my deepest heart I didn’t have that trust. Until one day he again made a mistake and I lost my sense of caring about him. I don’t give a f* with all his apologies.
I want to avenge all his deeds. I became the woman He hated so that he could stay away and get fed up with me. I became materialistic, asking for some gifts (though He never sent them), talking rudely to him, always discussing his mistakes, and even demeaning him. As a result, He still did not move away. I ignored his messages for a week, during which time He never stopped sending me messages. My little heart even said, “is this proof that He loves me?”.
Some of the annoying things I do He doesn’t stay away from me. Always say sweet words and He always prays for me. how bad I am. But, for me, the mistake was unforgivable. I have given him many chances but many times also made the same mistake. The best way is, never to take what He is doing as a serious matter. I remained unattractive in front of him until he pulled away and got tired of what I was doing to him.
P.S: I didn’t do it because I felt pretty and worthy. I turned it down because of his mistake. I think I deserve to cancel him
